Where is the love?
The missing spark in a long-term relationship.
You remember the times, where you simply couldn’t get enough of each other? Butterflies, daydreaming and sleepless nights over your crush.
Dating was magical, you have texted each other day in, day out. Talked on the phone for hours until one fell asleep! Awwww how romantic!
Now you are sitting next to your significant other and wonder what happened. Let’s back up a little for the bigger picture.
In the beginning, you probably lived by yourself and seen each other only occasionally. Your everyday problems were yours and your crush had theirs. When you set a date, it was for a whole evening full of cooking, cuddles and Netflix and Chill.
Fast forward to now, everyday problems take a toll. There are bills, garbage and work-related problems that were only half before. You are exhausted because your boss yelled at you at work because they had a bad day. Coming home and seeing the garbage bin still full or some socks on the floor just irritates you, way more than it used to before. The secret is: they were your socks and your garbage, now it’s “ours”.
Before you only met for a short period and had your garbage and sock problem sorted before the date, now meeting and sorting the issues is intervened.
Another issue I encountered with every relationship so far: the magic that led to Netflix and Chill is now expected to happen on schedule. What about Tuesday between 7 and 8 pm, on command, please. You need to get up early on Wednesday, after all.
There was a time where the guy combed his hair and picked the food out of his beard before entering your domain. And the gal put matching underwear and push-up bras to seduce.
Now you look at her and she has these sweatpants and an improvised bun and he has stains on his shirt and didn’t change it for two days straight. Sounds familiar? Maybe a little exaggerated, but you get the idea.
How to escape it?
First of all: try to understand that it's foremost your fault too, it’s like a seesaw. If only one person is doing their part, there is no fun for both of you.
(Pro Tip: don’t try to search for images of “adults+swing” to find a fitting imagery)
Second: set time aside for the dating part once again, get out and pause the problems for this duration. Cinema or restaurants are expensive, but divorce and pair therapy are too.
Third: accept the new situation, it won’t be ever the way it was before with your affection for your significant other.
Be honest with you, it was fun but it was exhausting at the same time.
You can’t keep this pace up and be a highly functional part of this society.
Fourth: Don’t look at me, I’m just a dude on the internet. I won’t solve your problems or give you the absolution to break up and move on, you are on your own with this one. Sorry!
People are chasing the new and exciting part of a fresh relationship and mistake it for the love. Don’t get me wrong it IS love, but high on hormones, not the regular and reliable love that you experience with a lasting and understanding partner.
Yes it sucks “that spark” is gone, it won’t be as it was before, but it’s up to you to either iginite the spark anew or spark a new.
